i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
