I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Randomize
