If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Randomize
