Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
