She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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