Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
