My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
