I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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