she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Randomize
