Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
