Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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