Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
