what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
