My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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