Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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