Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
