Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize
