I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
