why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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