you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
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