HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
