Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
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