She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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