Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
