I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Randomize
