when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
wow bdsm is so cute
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
