btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
