Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Randomize
