i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
