3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
accomplished twins. life is a go
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
