I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Vodka?
Forever.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize
