No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
