i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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