peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
