she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
