So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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