Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
