mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
