we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
