I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
