my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
