I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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