New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
