You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
It's Friday. Sex?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
