I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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