you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
The maid of honor just puked.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
