What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
