Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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