Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
