it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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