Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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