I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
