There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
