you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
i've created a new STD.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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